What was discussed at Chequers

For three hours, the fifteen trade union barons met with the Labour party leader. Each baron was given precisely 12 minutes to promise no repeat of the 1979 Winter of Discontent that defeated the last Labour government.  Throughout this time Brown sat with a begging bowl placed on his lap.  At the end of their allotted slot each baron placed a cheque in the begging bowl.  Each cheque, dated for late October, had been specially prepared with an inscription which said, “Only to be cashed if Alan Johnson becomes leader”.

After the visit, Downing Street issued the following statement:

The Prime Minister met today with senior trade union barons.  It was a pointless and parochial discussion which focused entirely on the perilous state of the Labour party finances and a pledge that union leaders would not cause any trouble for Alan Johnson during the winter months.

They agreed that pulling the plug on Brown at this time would put the recovery of the Tory party at risk. It was also agreed that priority would be given to overthrowing Brown at the earliest opportunity and they would do their utmost to cause the maximum trouble at the Labour conference. 

While the Prime Minister made it clear that he had no wish to leave office, he was howled down repeatedly as union leaders kept repeating, “It is time for the postman”