Obama phones Brown: What was really said

BO: How was your summer holiday?

GB: It was OK, but I am glad to be back at work as I continue to save….

BO: (his eyes rolling over) How is the transition going?  My people in London say that I will be talking to Cameron very soon.  I was treated very well by Bush after my election victory.  I assume you will be doing the same for Dave?

GB: We do things over rather differently here. Anyway, I have plans to stop….

BO: (now becoming rather short tempered) Yes, I know that.  For instance, you release mass murderers from prison for reasons my people do not understand.  We were very impressed how Dave handled this and his reaction was spot on.  He has the potential to be a great leader.  Can you bring forward the election?

GB: I want to set out my vision for this country first and am looking forward to the G20 in Pittsburgh.  As part of my autumn re-launch this will be the key event.  With pictures of the two of us and warm words from you for all the work that I have done in saving……

BO: (not listening to a word)  I want to know about the transition.  Shall I sent some people over to help?

GB: That will not be…..

BO: This is what I propose.  Many world leaders do not know Dave that well.  I will later today be issuing him an invitation to attend the G20, so he can receive a first hand briefing on the problems he will face when he enters office.  I will provide a plane to bring him over as my people tell me the UK has no money to pay for the flight.

GB: This is totally unacceptable.

BO: You mean unacceptable like the release of Megrahi?

GB: This decision was nothing to do…..

The phone goes dead.  The Downing Street duty clerk rushes in.

The clerk: Prime Minister, we have just received the revised attendance list from the White House for the G20….

The clerk leaves the room in a hurry as mobiles, printers, tables and chairs crash against the walls.  In ‘breaking news’, the BBC says that there are unconfirmed reports of an explosion inside No10.