24 June 2009

Exclusive: New Cabinet bonus scheme announced

Cabinet members have been meeting in secret since the expenses scandal hit the headlines to come up with innovative ways to maintain their income levels.  Tonight a new bonus scheme has been announced that will considerably increase their take-home pay.

Every time a U-turn is announced by a Cabinet member he or she will be rewarded with a bonus of £5,000.  The bonuses will be funded by the Prince of Wales following the outcry over his latest accounts.  Gordon Brown has already let it be known that any bonuses he receives will go towards paying off government debt.  The Treasury calculates that government borrowing will be reduced considerably and there is even talk of a surplus being announced on the eve of the general election.

This panic measure will be introduced immediately and follows Mervyn King’s latest outburst of earlier today.

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